The Vintage Limo Monologues #10: Fear & Familiarity

Today I changed a tire! I want to shout it from the rooftops! I changed a tire! A tire! I took a jack and I pumped up the car and I took of the nuts and I actually CHANGED A TIRE!!!!! Well, my 11-year-old son helped...but WE CHANGED THE TIRE!

How can a woman who's graduated from Northwestern University, travelled the world alone more than once, shot photos at gunpoint, learned Arabic, did photo shoots in 130 degree weather when 3-months pregnant, finish in the state finals as a long distance runner, run the Drake relays in High School, survive an earthquake in Cairo, etc...etc...how can I find it exciting that I changed a tire?

For the simple reason that I am 39 years-old, I have never done it before and I have always been scared to try. This fear has caused me to call out for help in the pouring rain and wait for an hour for someone else to come change the tire for me. It has cost me hundreds of dollars in towing fees because I coulnd't change the tire in my own driveway or on the side of the road and it has caused me the frustration of feeling helpless.

But why was changing a tire so hard for me and these other things were easier? After today I think I have an idea why. For me, travel was easier than changing a tire because I had read many books about it and had dreamed of it for years. I had watched many movies about people travelling. It was challenging and a bit scary the first time, but it was easier to make that jump since I had already built the bridge of familiarity. \

Reflecting on what suddenly made me able to change a tire, I realize it was the same basic principle. In the past I have been in situations where the tire needed to be changed right away. I was on the side of the road, I was late to an appointment or I needed to get somewhere. THIS TIME the car was in the driveway, I had already gone shopping for the week and I didn't really need it. I didn't feel like dealing with it right away and paying all that money for someone to tow it (and Steve is out of town for another week) so I let it sit. A day went by and I let it sit. I thought about it for a while and thought about what my options were. I thought of some friends who might be able to help but they were all busy. Another day went by. I looked out the window and saw the tire again. Steve called one of his friends to help me but he was at a funeral. So I let it sit. I told myself that Monday morning I would have someone tow it but Monday morning came and I didn't feel like dealing with it. So I let it sit. I thought about different options again. I wondered if someone was going to come and help. Nobody came. So I let it sit.

But then, suddenly at 3pm today I looked at the car and I said to myself - why not try? The simple fact that the flat tire had become FAMILIAR to me gave me the courage to venture into something new. So I told the kids that I was going to change the tire and Sunii said "really??? Can I help?" Having a CHEERING SQUAD also helps! But it turns out that he was also very helpful. He remembered the motto for loosening the nuts that I had forgotten (Righty tighty - lefty loosey) and he gave me the idea of an angle on the nuts that finally worked (they were on their TIGHT!). And it was HIM that loosened that 5th nut - the last one that I didn't think I was going to be able to do.

It makes me reflect on how hard we push our kids to do new things. Sometimes we don't understand why a child can't just clean their room, learn that math concept or finish reading a book. We wonder what is the big deal about trying a new food, why do they have to sit there at the table for an hour instead of taking a taste of it? we get so frustrated with their apprehension about new things...but as adults we all have that same apprehension. Think of the one thing you have never done and ask yourself...what am I scared of?

Why are we sometimes scared of new people? Do we find the person frightening? No. We find the fact that they are unfamiliar frightening to us.

As humans there is sometimes an inherent fear of new and unfamiliar things - it does not matter if these things are difficult or easy, what matters most to us is that we have never done it before and that it is entirely unfamiliar to us.

I think of all the times that the kids finally tried that new food after seeing me eat it about ten times....and now I understand more clearly. Making something familiar can help us try new things.

I hope this post can inspire you to try something new today or to be more patient with a child you are teaching to do something new :) Try easing into the new thing and letting it become familiar to you or the child and see what happens. Perhaps it will work for you too! I have to admit I never thought I would EVER change a tire.